Quiet Time Mix Up

Faith

Goodness

Knowledge

Self-Control

Perseverance

Godliness

Brotherly Kindness

Love

2 Peter 1:5-8

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

This whole week I have been reading in Francis Chan's book, Multiply, the reasons we study the Bible, both the good and bad reasons. (You can listen to what I have been reading by following the link.)From this lesson I discovered that I often read the Bible with the wrong motivations and that when I read the Bible it should be transforming my life.

My apartment does desert and devos together every Tuesday night and this week it was my turn to lead. Up until yesterday I didn't know what I was going to talk about. I asked God for some inspiration and continued with my regular quiet time routine. As I was reading in Multiply, I realized that I should probably talk about what I had been learning. So, there you go, God answers prayer awfully fast! 

So I did and in our discussion we talked about the monotony we can get into with our quiet times. And the danger that poses. Just as you wouldn't do the same exact thing every time you get together with a friend, neither should we do the exact same thing every time we come into God's presence. So I posed a challenge (mostly to myself) to mix it up in our quiet time routines. 

So today when I reading the book of 2 Peter, these verses really stuck out to me and I wanted to create a visual of what the verses look like. So I stop reading and grabbed a piece of paper and created the illustration you see above (though on my paper it had arrows but I don't know how to do that here). Each of the characteristics in "increasing"...font size in this case.

Not only was it neat to mix it up and do something creative to connect to the scripture, but the scripture also ties well into what I had been learning about the Bible being more than just knowledge, but a way to live. This passage talks about living what we learn from the scriptures. We should be gaining new character traits! 

So now I challenge you! Why are you reading the Bible? Are you reading it expecting to be transformed? Why not try mixing up your regular quiet time routine? 

Examine your heart, try something new and be transformed!

By Name

I am leading a Bible study on campus this semester and each week I am issuing challenges to myself and the other girls in my group. This week one of the challenges was to create something that reminds me of how precious I am to God. I thought I would share mine here with all of you as well.

Photo Credit: Chris Powell


By Name

Billions of stars,
Billions of people,
and still God knows me by name.
He knew me before I was born.
He knows the hairs on my head,
and He knows all the days of my life.
Who am I that He may know and love me?
I am His daughter!

The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is something we have all done since we were old enough to talk. 

Remember when you parents wouldn't let you do or have something you wanted? "Fine! I'm not talking to you..." 

As we grow older we stop announcing that we aren't talking to someone. We want them to figure out what they have done wrong and we are going to punish them until they figure it out or come crawling to us asking "Did I do something to offend you?" 

Guess what everyone! THIS IS NOT GOOD! 

I myself am guilty of using the silent treatment. Sometimes its just easier to avoid people than confront the problems. (psst, avoiding people is just another form of silent treatment) 

So why do we give people the silent treatment? Well these are a few reasons I have done it. 

1. I don't want to forgive them. 

2. I'm hurt and want them to hurt as much as I do.

3. I don't want to upset them by bringing up an issue.

4. I need space.

All of these mentalities and motivations have backfired on me.

Number 1: You don't want to forgive them. 

Unfortunately forgiveness isn't just something that happens. It is a choice that we have to make and we are called to do it in scripture over and over and over and over again.

Matthew 6:14-15 

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

There is plenty more scripture where that came from. Where do we get the impression that forgiveness is an emotion that just happens? God commands us to forgive and therefore we can choose to forgive and not to forgive. I think we often confuse forgiveness with meaning that our wounds are healed. Those are two different things. You can forgive and still be hurt. Cori Ten Boom, a holocaust survivor, puts it this way

 "For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses. I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling" 

Read the rest of the story here: http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/CorrieTenBoom.htm

Number 2: I'm hurt and I want to hurt them too.

This one is pretty simple as to why there is a problem. This kind of mentality means that you have bitterness and anger (and dare I say hatred?) in your heart towards that person. Romans 12:19 says "Do not take revenge my friends, but leave room for God's wrath..." There is sin in your heart that you need to deal with, just as much as the one who hurt you if this is your mentality. 

Number 3: I don't want to bring up the issue.

This does not work...the issue is there and it needs to be addressed. In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) Jesus says "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother..." Jesus wants us to reconcile with one another! I myself am especially guilty of not doing this. Even if it may not go well, it is better to communicate. 

Number 4: I need space.

Okay, you need space from the person. That's fine. (As long as you are not letting bitterness take root.) However, you do need to tell the person that you need space and do so in a loving way. While you are taking this space, be using that space to further your relationship with God and ask for his guidance in the relationship. Philippians 4:6 says "...in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving bring your prayers and petitions to the Lord." Furthermore, when you don't need the space anymore, make sure you reach out the person! 

Finally, I want to implore you all to make peace. Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Does this mean that you have to be best friends with everyone? No. This means you need to live in peace with everyone! And this means doing all that you can to make peace and you can't make peace by not talking to the person. Instead, in love, reconcile to everyone. You want to be able to say to the Lord, "I have done all I possibly can, the rest is in your hands."

Honestly, I just learned this lesson the hard way. I would like to save you all the hassle! Instead of using the silent treatment on others, perhaps we should do a heart treatment on ourselves. I encourage all of you to examine your relationships and your heart. Do you need to leave your offering at altar and reconcile with someone? Don't wait! Go do it! 

What Is

Have any of these thoughts or anything like them ever gone through your head?

"What if things had been different?"
"What if something bad happens?"
"What if someone dies?"
"What if I had done that instead?"
"What if I had studied more?"
"What if I had taken that opportunity? (or hadn't?)"

All of these thoughts (in perhaps more detail) have gone through my head at one time or another. I have at time agonized over the what ifs; both future and past. It causes me anxiousness when I think about the what ifs of the future and it causes me regret if I think in the past.

We imagine terrible things will happen in the future we think, "If I make this decision or if I hadn't made that decision in the past, maybe things would be better. Guys I have news for you. You don't know! Furthermore, you can't control the future or the past. (As much as we may want to.)

God does know the future and the past and what would have happened if you had made a different decision. He knows it all.

I have been thinking about this a lot and I would like to make a suggestion. I think that perhaps our constant obsession with the what ifs of life (past and future) comes from a root of sin. I want to control things. It means I am not trusting God. It means I lack faith. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." If I am stressing about the future that sure doesn't sound like faith.

I'm going to take it a step further. If I do not trust God with my future I am being prideful thinking that I have control over my future or that if that tragedy hadn't happened I would be better off. Clearly I know best right? Wrong!

Living in the what ifs robs me of the joy of what is. I don't see the blessings of the present if I am looking towards the past or the future. There are several scriptures that talk about not living in the past or the future.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

"...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead" Philippians 4:13

Not only do these two scriptures talk about not focusing on the future or the past. But the scripture around them talks about what we are to do. So here are the verses again with a little more context.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

"...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ." Philippians 4:13-14

What do these verses have in common? The both remind us to focus on Christ. If we focus on our triune God. The One who was and is and is to come, then we won't need to think about the what ifs.

There is a reason that God is called the I AM. He is what is. Everything else is just a distraction.



"I have learned to be content with whatever the circumstances" Philippians 4:11

Lessons on the Beach

Last week I spent my days sitting on the beach with my family in York Beach, Maine. Just about every summer we build these grandiose sand castles. (We have even been in the local newspaper for it.) But this year we were unable to make our castles because the tide came in everyday smack dab in the middle of the day. 

The first few days we stopped the tide from reaching us by digging a trench and a low wall. With that as our barrier we were able to turn the tide. The next day we decided to do the same. Our grand plan was to combine forces with the family next to us to create a super-wall that would stop the tide from coming up.

We worked so hard to build it. It was a large pile of sand and we were sure that it would stop the tide that was coming. Even when parts started to break and the foundation started to crack we worked to keep it intact. But the tide kept coming and while we stopped it for a while inevitably our wall broke and the water flooded in. Still my cousin Ashleigh held onto the biggest part of the wall. Holding it together until finally she too was engulfed in the waves. When all was said and done there was no sign that the wall had ever been there. 

As I looked at the sand where our wall once stood the whole situation kind of reminded me of our lives. We go through life thinking that our plans are fool-proof and that with them we will make something of our lives. Basically our plans are like the sand wall that we busy ourselves with while we pretend that the tide isn't coming. For us that tide is eternity and it is coming and there is nothing we can do to stop it and when all is said and done, as the years fade on, there will be no signs of the wall we built of sand. Our plans will have been for nothing. 

So we need to focus on something more important. God's plans. Once our wall protecting us from the water was destroyed we turned our attention to something else: boogie boarding. We started riding the waves of the tide. Riding the tide is like following God's plans and working to toward eternity instead of working against it and following our own inevitably flawed plans.

Are you busy building a sand wall that is crumbling around you? Or are you riding the waves of the tide? 

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 6:19-20

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'" Isaiah 55:8-9 

If I learned one thing this summer is that obeying God's call for your life is so incredibly rewarding. I was petrified to go away this summer but the Lord blessed me more abundantly than I could have even remotely imagined. So my encouragement to you all today is to get on board with God and ride the tide of His never ending love.

South Africa Week 1

Hello my friends!! I'm sorry for my lack of posts but life here in South Africa has been a whirlwind. I feel like I have barely had time to breath! We have been here for a week and it has been filled with so much God so I'll just share one cool story from each day!

July 31
We went to a community called Red Hills and we started at a preschool and when we walked in I saw this boy with so much anger and hatred in his eyes that it scared me. (Remember this it is important later). But I didn't really bond with the kids as I struggled with figuring out what to do now that my role of translator is gone. After we finished at the preschool we went walking around the community and prayed for people. The first person my group talked to was Simnikiwe. She is my age and was home alone while her family was out working. When we asked if there was anything we could pray for she just sighed like she had so much she needed prayer for that she didn't know where to start. I told her we have time and she just said "Really?" To which I responded with absolutely. She told us about her mother's health struggles, her brother who is 17 and living alone away from home and finally for her own dreams of going back to school since she flunked her senior year of high school. As we prayed she began to cry and when we finished she said "You have just made me feel so loved. I don't have any friends here and you made me feel like I do." That was just so cool! I could have spent all day with her.

August 1
This was the day we went shark cage diving! I got sea sick on the boat which wasn't fun but I had a shark come at me with its mouth open and was less than two feet from my face. I screamed but it was soooooo amazingly awesome! I felt like I was living shark week! Actually just the week before the shark week crew had been in those very waters filming.

August 2
On this day we went to another community called Ocean View where I met a little girl named Kami. She just came right up to me and said "Up me" (aka pick me up). She just loved me, she asked if I was a mommy yet and then wanted me to take her home. She played with my hair for a long time and babbled in Afrikaans. Also on this day we were walking around with kids on our shoulders and we started a sing along of Jesus Loves Me and Father Abraham. The kids were singing these songs at the top of their lungs and it was such a sweet sound to hear.

August 3
We went to Hillsong church in the morning for church. It was an amazing service that left me wanting more. Then we went back to Red Hills to pray for more people since more would be home because it was a Sunday. We also went back to ask the director of the preschool if we could take the children on a field trip the next day. We went one man as we prayed who really just encouraged us and told us that the work we were doing was going to grow and flourish. That is something I needed to hear since I often feel discouraged that we aren't doing anything where I can see tangible results, instead we are doing something with heavenly results. I need to stop underestimating the power of prayer.

August 4
We took 13 preschool children to Cape Point which is the southern-most tip of Africa. We also took them to see penguins in Simon's Town. These kids were quite a handful. We were all paired with a child for the day and remember that kid with all the hatred in his eyes? Well he was mine. His name is Anda and he is six.  All day I was nothing but impressed by his (general) obedience and kindness and excitement. He had quite a bit of energy though and I found myself getting my cardio work out in. I thank God that there didn't seem to be a language barrier between Anda and I...I'm pretty sure that was totally God because with the rest of the kids I was met with blank stares when I talked to them. Anda really enjoyed taking pictures with my camera and he was very responsible with it even wearing the wrist strap like I told him to. I was also impressed when a man dropped 100 Rand (about $10) and Anda picked it up, tapped the man on the shoulder and gave it back to him. All without me telling him to! I was so impressed. I hope that Anda gets a good male influence in his life and grows into a wonderful man. He went back to the anger as soon as he was out of my care. It showed me how much he needs love.

August 5
Today we went to another community where we had a tour guide who really just loved his community. His name was Africamoni. He was clearly a mentor to many people in the township. He brought us to specific people's homes who needed prayer. In one home we met Noni and Princess. Noni is 24 with an 8 month old and Princess is 17 who is in her last month of pregnancy. It was cool because we had worship in Noni's living room. We sang in English and they sang in Kossa their language. It was so great! I always get jazzed up about worshiping in other languages.


Tomorrow we leave to go back to Johannesburg for a few days and then it is back to the states!

Isla de Franklin

So I am back in the US for a day and therefore have access to technology so I am about to attempt a blog post on my time in the San Blas Islands off the coast of Panama. Blogging about this week is proving a challenge since so many amazing things happened and really the experience as a whole cannot be adequately explained unless you were there, but I shall try.

First I pulled an all-nigher since we were leaving our hotel in Costa Rica at 2:30 in the morning. Then we boarded a plane to Panama from the airport in Panama city we loaded up onto four-wheel drive vehicles and drove a almost 3 hour drive on the windiest, bumpiest roads I have ever been on. I dozed most of the way since I was so tired anyways. Then we loaded up onto boats for a 45 minute boat ride to Franklin's Island where we would be staying for the week. As you can gather we were in the middle of no where.  A Tour of the Island (Sorry it isn't in English)

It was amazing! The floor of my hut was sand and I fell asleep to the crashing of waves that were literally less than ten steps from my door. I showered in the ocean and I was covered in sand all week but it was so wonderful!

There are 365 islands that make up the San Blas Islands. Only 49 of those islands are inhabited they are inhabited by the Cuna people. So Spanish isn't the first or most prominant language which left me a little dumbstruck at first but God always finds a way.

The first island we went to I met a girl named Keilin (which is pronounced just like my name) I rarely meet people with the same name as me, let alone on an island off the coast of Panama. I wanted to get to know her better but she was rather shy. I did give her a Bible though and wrote in it.

The second day of ministry was a struggle for me. I didn't really connect with anyone. So I prayed and then the next day was better. That night though Pastor Morris (The Cuna pastor who was our guide for the week) gave us the scoop on Cuna culture. Perhaps someday I'll do a separate post just on the culture maybe not...

The third day of ministry a little girl named Yeilin latched on to me. Right when we got to the island she came up and asked me to play basketball with her and her friends. I did for a while and then she scampered off and I found something else to busy myself with. When I came back she comes up and says "I've been looking for you" (in spanish) I was happily surprised. She didn't leave my side after that. I found out that she does go to church on her island but I prayed with her to accept Christ in her heart. That was pretty cool. I hope nothing was lost in translation. But I got her a Bible and her friend came up and said she will go with her to church so if nothing else a seed was planted.

The next day I sat down next to a little shy girl named Kellili (I think?) She was drawing in the sand and I knew that some people had coloring books and crayons so I found one and she colored two pictures. She may only be five but I see the makings of an artist in her. She even colored the decorative lines on the page! After she was done drawing she scampered off to show her mom what she had made, that was the last I saw of her. But then this little boy Aiken runs up to me arms open for a hug and he just wants to be loved on. He is four and we had fun looking for broken balloons that could be salvaged and reinflated. (One thing we do a lot of is balloon animals) He was just so affectionate! I loved spending time with him.

The last day was probably my favorite. We only did a half day of ministry and instead of doing the drama as usual, we did worship with some of the leaders of the church. It is probably the coolest thing I have experienced to date. At one point we were singing How Great is Our God in three languages and I was just crying. God was so present there in that moment. Words could never express quite what it was like. I also got to encourage the women in Spanish which for me was cool. I always love when I get to use the gifts God has given me to glorify Him!!

So that was basically the highlights of Panama. There are so many more little side stories I could tell, but those you will have to ask me about. Tomorrow evening I head off to South Africa for two more weeks of adventure. I should have access to internet most days so be expecting some blog posts! Until then Babay Bendakay (God bless you in Cuna...Spelled horribly wrong)

El Final

Well folks my last day of ministry is gone and passed and I think it may have been our best yet! It was the day that we reached the most people. We went back to that same spot that we went to the day before and basically performed the drama there 4 times throughout the day. We handed out so many Bibles and literally hundreds of people stopped to watch us.

I chatted with a couple of girls my age who were looking to get plugged into a church. I prayed with a few people and just basically did my translating gig. I really like translating on short term missions because one of the things I struggle with on short term missions is making a connection and then severing it within a few hours. (At least that's how it works on these trips) By translating I am simply the one in the middle of the two who are establishing a connection. God was so good and on our last day there was absolutely NO rain so the streets were teaming with people and again the police just watched and we even got to witness to them.

We have run into a lot of other missions teams here in Costa Rica so God must be doing something here!

Last night I also had the great honor and privilege of being asked to read one of my student's testimonies for her when she was baptized. About 8 people were baptized last night and it is always a joyous sight to behold!

Tomorrow at O'dark thirty I am leaving for the San Blas Islands in Panama. I will be traveling by plane, four wheeler and boat to get there! That being said I will have absolutely NO internet! Sorry y'all this coming week may be a blank in the blogging world. I will try to journal and catch you up on it later. Until then, please pray that God would give me the energy and endurance to continue this trip! 

Expect the Unexpected

Today was not what I expected. I'm not sure it was what anyone expected. First the bus dropped us off in a park while it was downpouring. This park had no covering so we decided to go to a park that did. On our way to the park we walked through this shopping area and I saw an area I thought and felt would be perfect for the drama, however it was raining so I didn't say anythign. We walked to the park only to find that another team was already there. We waited for them to pack up and then had lunch while we waited for a new crowd to form.

We performed the drama talked to a few people but it was nothing spectacular or anything. Our plan since it was still raining was to go to another park with a gazebo type place. So we walked there again only to find another team. At this point we were all feeling pretty defeated. But our leaders had us on the move again to where I wasn't sure but much to my surprise and delight it was the area I had seen earlier.

The police then showed up and told us they didn't think we could be permitted to perform there and then walked away. After praying we decided to do it anyways and the police actually ended up watching and there was a very large crowd. It was just such a blessing! While I didn't talk for long periods of time with people I did some tranlsating and I felt good about the day. The students were cold, wet, and so very very tired but yet not one of them complained! I'm so proud of our team!! We only have one more day of ministry left and we intend to go back to the shopping area and just perform the drama all day because the crowd is constantly changing!!

Med Clinic

Today we again went to La Carpio but a different area. We also did something a little different in the fact that we did a medical clinic. We still did the drama but we also handed out medicine and stuff. We even managed to see some other Americans who weren't there as missionaries they would just call themselves philanthropists.

But that wasn't the only way things were different. I also only did the drama once and while everyone went and did the drama again I stayed back at the medical clinic and used my extremely limited medical vocabulary to help several families. Apparently hoof and mouth is running rampant in La Carpio. It was really interesting to use my translation skills in a way that was even further out of my comfort zone. I really just love using my skills in Spanish!  Even one of our official translators said she could tell that I really love Spanish and she barely knows me!

One little boy after the first drama came and plopped down on my lap and asked to take a picture with me. I didn't have my camera but after I found it we did take the picture. It was just cute. His name was Dorian and later I got to help diagnose his family, including giving vitamins for him and his brother. I hope he grows up to be big and strong!

That was really all today. Just a lot of asking what was going on and diagnosing people, but when people don't have access to things as simple to us as Tylenol, it means a lot.

Stay and Wait

So yesterday was a day of rest and rejuvenation. God knew the things I needed that I didn't even realize I needed. So I am thankful for that! I had a wonderful chat with an older couple who really were just such an encouragement to me. 

 Today we went to a neighborhood called the Guarari. We started our ministry by walking around the neighborhood and inviting people to come see the drama. In the process we met a girl named Chris who was trying to quit smoking. We prayed for her to be able to kick the habit and then the pastor ended up sharing the gospel with her and she accepted Christ. We promised her a Bible if she came to see the drama. However, the drama never happened. After we returned from inviting people around the neighborhood to come no one was there exactly at 11 when we said we would do the drama. So our leaders, forgetting that we should be thinking on Tico time (aka 11 is equal to 11:30)decided our time would be better spent elsewhere and we would come back later. I learned later that many people had come asking about us. It truly bothers me that we as Christians did not follow through on our commitment. I made sure some Bibles were left with the people who stayed behind so I hope Chris got her Bible. 

 Instead we went to a park near a marketplace. There were lots of people and we chatted with quite a few. I talked with one woman Rosabella who was there with her 1 year old son. She has 5 other kids back in Nicaragua where she is from. She shared with me that just the other day one of her children called and asked her for money of which she has none at the moment since she isn't working. I prayed with her for the safety and health of her children as well as to find work so she could provide for her family. I gave her a Bible since she said she didn't have one. She waited a good half hour in the pouring rain for that Bible because we had to get it off the bus. I hope she reads it! 

Here is a picture of the aftermath of the rain 

 Finally, I briefly talked with Maria who is 23. She was at the park with her cousin Sebastian who was playing soccer with some of the students. Maria shared with me that she is graduating college this year. She used to go to a church youth group when she was younger but their is no youth group for the college age students. I shared that I have a similar experience but that I do things on my own. She said she already owned a Bible but was thankful to have seen the drama. Her cousin was so cute before he left he came and tapped on my arm and said "Thank you" in English. It was adorable.

 Despite the struggles our team may be facing, we are still spreading the gospel!!! Please pray that the issues within our team may be stopped, it's the enemy trying to stop our ministry. 

Let Me Be

Day two here in Costa Rica has passed. Today we only went to one place in a neighborhood called La Carpio. We went to a church and first performed the drama for the children's group at the church and then we went and performed the drama in the middle of the street. La Carpio is known for being very dangerous but God was good and kept us all safe. Again I am going to tell about a few of the people I met. First and foremost I met Katie! She is fifteen years old and one of five. She has three sisters and one brother. She loves skateboarding and metal music. She enjoys making friends and video taping her friends doing various tricks on their skateboards. Her boyfriend however is a beast on a bike! She showed me a video of him donig some of his tricks and it was insane! She wants to grow up to be a teacher someday. She was so funny and really just enjoyed interacting with everyone with me as her interpreter. She even managed to give me a piggy back ride. She has been going to the church we were at since she was little. She was just a great and beautiful girl (I have several pictures with her) Nolan was a little boy I met later in the afternoon who I didn't get to know as well as I would have liked. I learned from his sister that he doesn't talk and he is two but he can hear just fine. It's strange because I met a little boy last year who couldn't talk. His sister's name was Maria Jose. She is 12 and in school and she also attends the church we were at but only she goes from her family. So I am praying that God gives her strength and support despite the fact that her family doesn't share her beliefs. Finally I met Theresa. She is the leader of the little kids program at the church. She has been doing it for 3 years. She doesn't get paid but it is a full time job! She is studying to become a pastor. She expressed that sometimes it is difficult to do what she does but she loves it nonetheless. After we were done with our time in La Carpio I was feeling completely drained (I still am) I think it is because of all the Spanish and translating. So I decided I was going to take a nap but as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep I felt like I had a song stuck in my head but then I realized that this was a song all my own. So I had to get up and write it down and record what was going through my head. So here are the lyrics. 'Even though the storm may rage/ I get on my knees and pray/ to the high exalted God/ who can take my pain away// So let me be/ used by you/ and let me be/ consumed by you// I'm going out into your world/ and following your call/ to set the people free/ just as you have done for me// So let me be/ used by you/ and let me be/ consumed by you// Cause you are my God/ you are my deliverer/ and you have remained/ and you won't leave ever// So let me be/ used by you/ and let me be/ consumed by you// You have remained// and you won't leave ever// I´ll be consumed/ by you forever//' I'll post myself singing it at a later date when I have the technological capabilities.

It's Never Pointless

Day one of ministry here in Costa Rica is officially over and boy am I exhausted! Today we went to a girls shelter for girls ages 12-18 who have been abandoned or abused by their families. After that (while it was raining) we went to a park to perform the drama. So I figured that for the most part the way I will write my blog posts is to give you snapshot introductions to the people that I meet. Hopefully with picures included at some point.Today I did not take pictures mostly because the girls that we met could not have their pictures taken due to security. The girls shelter was actually a beautiful campus with multiple buildings. The girls were so welcoming to us. After the drama we got to spend some time just hanging out with them and as people say here 'loving on them.' I got to spend a particular amount if time with two young ladies so let me tell you a little bit about my interactions with both of them. First I met Luz. I sat down and asked her to tell me something interesting about herself and she starts with 'I don't know my mom or my dad and I never see my sister.' She came to the shelter in May. I asked her what her dreams were. She wants to learn English and French and become a famous actress. I also learned that she is esentially in love with Justin Beiber. She says she only listens to his songs and her favorite song by him is Never Say Never. She also loves to do hair and nails and make-up. Basically anything having to do with beautiful things. Next I met Rosaline. Let me tell you this girl could talk a mile a minute! I swear she didn't stop to breath, which was quite a test of my rusty Spanish. She didn't talk much about her family except that after she accomplishes her dream of moving to Miami and working for NASA (this girl dreams big!) she would bring her sister to the US as well. She likes dance music and I assume based on that that she also enjoys dancing. She was a hoot! After the girls shelter we went to the park in the rain. Thankfully, the park had a gazebo that provided shelter for us as we performed the drama. (I choose to see that as God's provision.) However, there were quite a few (including myself a bit) that were a bit discouraged since there weren't many people hanging around. I noticed about five that stayed for the whole drama and one was particularly interested. Some of our group prayed with him and I talked to his cousin while he played soccer with everyone. Antonio was his name. He was born without a lot of his fingers and from what I could gather he had some other problems as well. His cousin said he had had a lot of surgeries. He had a cast on his hand because he had recently had a surgery to split two of his fingers that were together. He looked so happy and his cousin said that he could do everything on his own like eat and write and everything despite the fact that at least on one of his hands he only had one finger. While it was discouraging that there weren't many people at the park. I choose to believe that it was not pointless. In fact one of our translators said it is never pointless. Who knows what Antonio will grow up to be or how he may be a part of God's plan. Finally, we ended our night with a concert by Holly Starr a Christian singer. She performed one her newer songs that I feel is an encouragement that any of you reading this blog may need! So here is the link! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD2hl9q3ROM

Pura Vida

Well I have safely arrived in Costa Rica!! The first of the three countries I'll be visiting this summer. I just want to give a brief update on what has been happening the past week. First off, my team is great!! We have spent the past two days learning a drama called Spellbound. It is an allegory of the gospel that we perform when we go out on ministry days. Here is a link to my team doing it last year. [Okay I was going to put the link here but due to uber slow internet that won't be happening...in that case just search youtube for Spellbound] Usually it is only the students that participate in the drama and after the first day of training I was not slotted to be in the drama. I had said that if absolutely necessary I would ONLY be a mime. Well things changed yesterday when due to physical difficulties the girl playing the china doll could no longer play her roll and so I am now in the drama. It's interesting because I was pretty set on not being in the drama, yet here I am. But I am actually really loving it because it gives me the opportunity to get to know the students better because I get to interact with them more and be part of the team. This morning I woke up at 4 am to board a plane bound for San Jose. Praise the Lord there were no delays, no lost bags or passports or people. We are now at our hotel resting up to go out for ministry tomorrow. I actually have yet to take any pictures and even if I did I couldn't post them so you all will just have to wait until I get home to see them all. Anyway, the Costarican 'slogan' so to speak is pura vida. It is my prayer that while we are here and even when we return home that we are living the pure lives that God has called us to, and thanks to Christ's death on the cross we truly can live a pure life. His blood has washed away our sin and has made us pure. I think the people of Costa Rica may be on to something in their motto.

Oceans

Oceans by Hillsong was just playing in the airport (if you have never heard it look it up). I feel like it was a special message from God to me since that song has always really spoken to me. 

There are two lines that are the cry of my heart and both are in the chorus. The first is "spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" for me that line is my cry for God to take me wherever he needs me in the world.

The second line says "Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will stronger..." This is my cry for God to lead me into a life I could never imagine. 

So in hearing this song today, I hear God calling me to trust because he is both leading me across borders and he has things in store that I could never imagine! 

Here We Go Again

Tomorrow I embark on what most would call the summer of a lifetime, but I would call a summer of service and learning. I will be visiting three countries on missions trips. And despite what happened last time I left the country I am shockingly not anxious at all and we are less than 24 hours away from take off! That can only be explained by one thing: God.

This is a true attestation to the power of prayer! So many have reached out to me today to let me know they are praying and I know that there are so many more out there that are doing so; some I don't even know. I am so grateful to all of you and God!

Hopefully I will be posting some short God moments throughout the next five weeks and then following up with some longer posts once I have my computer again. Posts will be dependent on time, energy, and most critically internet access. So I make no promises but keep a look out.  And keep praying that this experience would be life-changing (in a good way!)

You Are Enough Just As You Are

So I first want to apologize for my long hiatus. In truth I have been overwhelmed by school work and honestly haven't been very inspired to post. I would like you all to know that I am doing so much better than I was at the beginning of the semester. Spring break was a week of healing. God has honestly just continued to be faithful throughout the whole healing process and I know he will continue to be.

But the inspiration for this post comes from how I was feeling this week. This week I felt kind of like I did at the beginning of the semester, very anxious, on edge, lonely, basically a lot of not good feelings. I still don't totally know the source of these feelings but I was very frustrated that I was feeling this way. I felt like I was regressing rather than progressing in my healing. I shouldn't feel like this. I should be past this.  I don't know why I'm feeling this way. But then I talked to my mom and she reminded me that it's okay to have days when I feel down and I just don't know why. It doesn't necessarily mean that I am not trusting God enough or that I am not strong enough, it just means that I am having a down day.

The more I thought about it, how often do we all get down on ourselves because we don't think we are good enough or because we think should be better? We all have the parts of us that we think are inadequate. Some of us feel like we aren't smart enough, aren't pretty enough, aren't strong enough, the list could go on forever. But let me tell you (and myself), you are good enough for God just as you are.

For those of you who feel trapped by your sins. Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Everything you have ever done and will ever do is covered by Christ's blood shed on the cross. There is nothing you have done or could ever do that Christ's blood has not covered. Take comfort in that.

For those who don't feel beautiful enough. Psalms 139:13 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." To say that you are not beautiful enough, is an insult to the greatest artist their is, our creator! God made you just the way you are. All the things that you see as imperfections are what makes you unique and a masterpiece. Ladies your curves (or lack thereof) are beautiful! Gents, you don't need a six-pack, you're handsome just as you are!

For those who don't feel like you are inadequate in your schoolwork, your jobs or anything else God has called you to do. Remember when Moses felt inadequate in bringing God's message to the people of Israel? Moses had a stutter and so he didn't think he was worthy of delivering the message to Pharaoh. You know what God's response was? "Who made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I the LORD?" God has equipped you! You need never feel inadequate, you are complete. 

But above all else know that you are LOVED by God and he never stops loving you! Lamentations 3:22-23 says "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." 

The other thing I learned is the importance of support from my friends and family. Make sure you have people in your life who build you up and remind you how loved and valued you are. Step away from relationships that don't build you up. Surround yourself with people who love you and make you feel confident! Because you are enough just the way you are!

My God is Faithful

I am currently taking an evangelism and discipleship course here at Gordon. One of the assignments for that course is to take a 48 hour spiritual retreat, during which you spend intentional time with God and disconnect from everyone else. I did my retreat this past weekend. I wanted to share with all of you something that came out of that time spent in close communion with God. He inspired me to write a song, something I have never done in my life. This song is extremely personal and tells of the tragedy I experienced in Spain. Here are the lyrics and below is a recording of me singing the song.

Crack on the pavement,

I didn't know 

Until I heard her screaming, 

Antonio! 

My stomach drops, 

I run down the stairs 

As Dioni's screams

Echo through the air

Come around the corner 

I see him there

How did this happen?

He'd grabbed a chair

I'm so confused 

What do I do?

Fear not my child

I'll see you through

My God was there

His arms were around me 

And He provided 

Strength within tragedy

Que quieres hacer?

How should I know?

Conoces alguien?

I think so...

Thanks to the body

of Christ that day

I had support 

and a place to stay. 

My God was there

His arms were around me

and He provided 

Strength within tragedy

My God is faithful 

He's still here with me 

and He's providing 

Healing in tragedy

So now I'm home

Broken and bruised

He's making something new 

That He can use...

If anyone knows how to put this to music, please let me know! And thanks for listening to a piece of my healing process. 

Kintsukuroi

This week was Beyond Disabilities week at my college and so we had a variety of speakers come and talk about disabilities and how we as a Christians should address them. One of the speakers was Mike Dennehy. If you have never heard of the Dennehy family check out this video! http://vimeo.com/60221183 They are quite an inspiration!

Anyways, Mike talked about an old Japanese custom called Kintsukuroi.

There are times in all of our lives when we are broken. Sometimes it's difficult to put the pieces back together. Thankfully, it's not our job to put the pieces back together. We have our potter, our creator God, to do that and to fill in the cracks with gold. For in Christ we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and He is making all things new, including us! (Revelation 21:5)

James says that we are to consider it pure joy when we go through trials because "you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-6). I am doing my best to let steadfastness have its full effect so that my cracks can be filled with gold and I can be again be complete, lacking in nothing. I can't do it on my own strength, but thanks to God's strength, grace, and faithfulness I can again be made whole. 

Each of us is like that bowl in the picture, you can see the cracks where we broke but those cracks make us better, more beautiful. When I first started my healing process I said I couldn't wait to get back to my old self. I no longer want to be my old self! I want to be my new and improved self. God is making me into something new that He will use for the glory of His kingdom. He wants to do the same for you. So why don't you give Him a chance? 

Redefining Valentine's Day

When I say the words "Valentine's Day" what comes to your mind? Is it chocolate? Roses? Love? Couples?  Cheesy chick flicks? Perhaps it is a day filled with anticipation of getting to see your love. 

Valentine's Day according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is a "Lovers' holiday celebrated on February 14, the feast day of St. Valentine, one of two 3rd-century Roman martyrs of the same name. St. Valentine is considered the patron of lovers and especially of those unhappily in love. The feast day became a lovers' festival in the 14th century, probably as an extension of pagan love festivals and fertility rites celebrated in mid-February. Today it is marked by the exchange of romantic cards (valentines), flowers, and other gifts." 

Sadly for many people (young women and girls especially), this definition gets translated to "if you are single this day isn't for you." Or the day is just a reminder that they are alone. This shouldn't be the case! I have been single for every Valentine's Day of my life (this year included), so speaking from experience, even if you're single, Valentine's Day can still be a special day. 

I was lucky enough that growing up my mom always made Valentine's Day special for our family. My parents didn't go out as a couple, but instead the day was a celebration of our family's love for one another. My mom would prepare a delicious dinner and set the table with candles and cut out hearts and cards at each place. I thank my mom for doing this, because it showed me that Valentine's Day is not simply about romantic love. 

So to all you ladies out there who are single this Valentine's Day, try taking a different approach. Instead of watching cheesy chick flicks alone in your room, eating a gallon of ice cream. Here are some other suggestions 

1. Watch cheesy chick flicks and eat a gallon of ice cream with another single friend instead! Or a sister!

2. Send cards to those you love in life! Friends, family etc. 

3. Make a loving gesture to someone you have never met! 

4. Treat yourself! Get yourself some strawberries and dip them in chocolate. Or buy yourself a rose! 

5. Spend time with your one true love! Jesus Christ! 

6. Do all of the above! 

We are so fortunate to have a God who cares for us and loves us! 1 John 3:16 says that "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." A little later on in chapter 4:19 John says "We love because he first loved us." The only reason we can celebrate Valentine's Day as a holiday of love is because Christ first loved us! 

So how would I redefine Valentine's Day? Here is my new and improved definition. 

Valentine's Day: A day to show the love of Christ to those around you, whether it be romantic love, friendship, familial love or just loving on a stranger. A day when we can rejoice in knowing that we are so loved by our God that he sent his son to die on a cross for us. 

This post was inspired by Heather, a wonderful young woman that I had the opportunity to serve with in Peru this summer! Thank you! 

He Has Not Given Me a Spirit of Fear

As part of my Christian Ministries major I am required to do a practicum with a Christian ministry this summer. For the past year or so I have been looking at different options but none have really stuck out. So I have been praying that God would show me just the right place for me to serve this summer. However, with what happened in Spain, part of me has wanted to stay in the area and serve so that I can stay home where I feel safe. I'm scared to go away again. I don't want to ever feel the way I did in Spain again. Thankfully, God has a way of pushing us and teaching us.

As many of you know I went to Peru over the summer on a short term missions trip with an organization called Big World Ventures. This trip was truly amazing! It taught me a lot about myself and a lot about God. Anyways, a little ways into my semester in Spain I was contacted by the head of Big World Ventures and was offered an intern position for the summer. I really liked the idea so I sent him the specifications the internship would have to meet to fulfill my practicum requirement. After that I didn't hear back for a while. I figured this was God telling me that I should be pursuing other options and I liked it because it meant that I may not have to go away from home.

So a couple of weeks ago I again asked the Lord for guidance for the summer. The next day I again hear from the head of Big World Ventures and he says we can meet the requirements and that I should really get going on getting this approved. I don't believe it was a coincidence that the day after I ask for guidance I was again contacted  by Big World Ventures. So I decided to take the next step and talk to my adviser and see if this is an option that I can work with. She said it sounds perfect.

During this whole time of pursuing this internship I have been afraid. I don't want to leave home again and I don't want to take risks. Thankfully, God has reminded me that he has not given me a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). I know God is calling me to a life of travel and I cannot respond to that call if I am afraid to leave home and step out of my comfort zone. So I have asked him to give me peace about going this summer and God has gone above and beyond. I am actually excited to go! Yes, part of me is still a bit apprehensive but I have decided to trust God. It's not easy but one thing I have learned is that the hardest things in life are often the most rewarding.

But Kailyn, where would you be going with this internship? What would you be doing? Well, this is the really exciting part! I will again be going to serve with Big World Ventures. This time as a leader and in not just one but four different countries! I will be serving the people of Costa Rica, Belize, Panama and South Africa! I am thrilled and excited to use the gifts God has given me to tell and show people his unbounded love for them. I ask for your prayers for me as I prepare to go serve but also please pray that God would prepare the hearts of those we meet. Finally, if you feel so led to give monetary support for my trip please email me at kailyn.kowolenko@gordon.edu so that I can give you an address at which to send the support.

This is me and Maricielo, a young girl I met in Peru who was an answer to prayer. God put her on my heart and she said I was her angel. I hope to touch and be touched again! 

Transitioning

So I am officially back at the GC (aka Gordon College). Now most might think that I was thrilled to be going back after a year away, but to be honest I was more apprehensive than anything else. I was going to be "the new girl" who didn't know anyone on campus. Well, this was and still is quite true (though it seems to be getting slightly better). What I didn't expect were all the other emotions that were going to come with going back to campus and how God would be so real to me in my time of need.

The first few days in my new apartment I was terribly homesick, but God provided for me in that time. He sent my friend Anna over to comfort me. She came over when I was home alone so that I didn't have to feel alone. She listened to me as I cried and she understood probably better than anyone else the things I have been struggling with. Basically the first few days I cried a lot...

About half way through the week I had to face going back to school and also had to face my finals left over from the previous semester. This put an enormous amount of stress on me for a number of reasons. The first reason was of course just because it was the start of a new semester and everyone gets nervous on the first day of new classes. The second reason is that I couldn't study for these finals and therefore I felt very out of control and I know I couldn't do my best. But the third and most stressing thing was the fact that one of the papers I had to write was what I had been working on when Antonio committed suicide.

This, as one could imagine, brought up a lot of emotions and Thursday night I just got totally overwhelmed. I had a horrible stress headache and I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Before I started the paper I decided I was going to do my devotional for the day. It's a good thing I did. The lesson was on a passage where Jesus heals many people of all different ailments and emotional ailments were listed among them. At this point I just cried out that I wanted Jesus to take the weight from my shoulders, I wanted to be healed too. In that moment I could feel him there with me. I cried (literally) for joy because the headache and the stress were gone. I could feel that great, big hug from Jesus and I could just hear him saying that I could do this.

I finished my finals and I finished the paper. Was it my best work? No. But I did it! As Jesus once said "It is finished" (I suppose it was in a slightly different context but that's how I felt when it was done). I was able to reward my hard work with a weekend at home. Now I am getting back into the swing of things, I'm keeping busy and that's good. I've got classes, babysitting, and Gospel Choir to keep me occupied. Despite the fact that I am transitioning I have no doubt that there will be other points in the near future when again I must cry out to Jesus to take that burden off my shoulders. But God is faithful so I know that I can do this! (with his help of course)

A New Chapter

So I never will finish blogging about my time in Spain. For that I apologize, but the circumstances under which I left Spain didn't exactly lend themselves to blogging. So now I am back in the states for a while, but I don't feel that I should stop writing about my life.

 This begs the question of where do I take this blog now? It's not like my life is terribly exciting most of the time. I don't like to share my feelings with my closest friends and family so I certainly won't be sharing them for the whole internet to view. But perhaps that's just the thing, my life doesn't need to be as exciting as a Hollywood film to write about it. This is just the start of my life and someday I'm going to want to look back on this. So no promises on how often or if I will blog. But if I do it will be a combination of the things happening in my life, the lessons I'm learning and the way God is revealing himself to me.

So right now I feel like I am starting a new chapter in my life. This doesn't mean that the past chapters haven't happened but I feel as though the last chapter ended in a cliff hanger and now I am just waiting to see what the next chapter has in store for me. I think if I could title the last chapter of my life I would call it The Year of Transition and Change. Now I feel like something great is coming and I'm really excited to see what it may be. I'm heading back to Gordon after a year away. I have changed so much since I was last there and I can't wait to take the good old GC by storm. (Okay that's not exactly my style but you know what I mean.) So here we go! Let's see what the next chapter has in store!