My God is Faithful

I am currently taking an evangelism and discipleship course here at Gordon. One of the assignments for that course is to take a 48 hour spiritual retreat, during which you spend intentional time with God and disconnect from everyone else. I did my retreat this past weekend. I wanted to share with all of you something that came out of that time spent in close communion with God. He inspired me to write a song, something I have never done in my life. This song is extremely personal and tells of the tragedy I experienced in Spain. Here are the lyrics and below is a recording of me singing the song.

Crack on the pavement,

I didn't know 

Until I heard her screaming, 

Antonio! 

My stomach drops, 

I run down the stairs 

As Dioni's screams

Echo through the air

Come around the corner 

I see him there

How did this happen?

He'd grabbed a chair

I'm so confused 

What do I do?

Fear not my child

I'll see you through

My God was there

His arms were around me 

And He provided 

Strength within tragedy

Que quieres hacer?

How should I know?

Conoces alguien?

I think so...

Thanks to the body

of Christ that day

I had support 

and a place to stay. 

My God was there

His arms were around me

and He provided 

Strength within tragedy

My God is faithful 

He's still here with me 

and He's providing 

Healing in tragedy

So now I'm home

Broken and bruised

He's making something new 

That He can use...

If anyone knows how to put this to music, please let me know! And thanks for listening to a piece of my healing process. 

Kintsukuroi

This week was Beyond Disabilities week at my college and so we had a variety of speakers come and talk about disabilities and how we as a Christians should address them. One of the speakers was Mike Dennehy. If you have never heard of the Dennehy family check out this video! http://vimeo.com/60221183 They are quite an inspiration!

Anyways, Mike talked about an old Japanese custom called Kintsukuroi.

There are times in all of our lives when we are broken. Sometimes it's difficult to put the pieces back together. Thankfully, it's not our job to put the pieces back together. We have our potter, our creator God, to do that and to fill in the cracks with gold. For in Christ we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and He is making all things new, including us! (Revelation 21:5)

James says that we are to consider it pure joy when we go through trials because "you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-6). I am doing my best to let steadfastness have its full effect so that my cracks can be filled with gold and I can be again be complete, lacking in nothing. I can't do it on my own strength, but thanks to God's strength, grace, and faithfulness I can again be made whole. 

Each of us is like that bowl in the picture, you can see the cracks where we broke but those cracks make us better, more beautiful. When I first started my healing process I said I couldn't wait to get back to my old self. I no longer want to be my old self! I want to be my new and improved self. God is making me into something new that He will use for the glory of His kingdom. He wants to do the same for you. So why don't you give Him a chance? 

Redefining Valentine's Day

When I say the words "Valentine's Day" what comes to your mind? Is it chocolate? Roses? Love? Couples?  Cheesy chick flicks? Perhaps it is a day filled with anticipation of getting to see your love. 

Valentine's Day according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is a "Lovers' holiday celebrated on February 14, the feast day of St. Valentine, one of two 3rd-century Roman martyrs of the same name. St. Valentine is considered the patron of lovers and especially of those unhappily in love. The feast day became a lovers' festival in the 14th century, probably as an extension of pagan love festivals and fertility rites celebrated in mid-February. Today it is marked by the exchange of romantic cards (valentines), flowers, and other gifts." 

Sadly for many people (young women and girls especially), this definition gets translated to "if you are single this day isn't for you." Or the day is just a reminder that they are alone. This shouldn't be the case! I have been single for every Valentine's Day of my life (this year included), so speaking from experience, even if you're single, Valentine's Day can still be a special day. 

I was lucky enough that growing up my mom always made Valentine's Day special for our family. My parents didn't go out as a couple, but instead the day was a celebration of our family's love for one another. My mom would prepare a delicious dinner and set the table with candles and cut out hearts and cards at each place. I thank my mom for doing this, because it showed me that Valentine's Day is not simply about romantic love. 

So to all you ladies out there who are single this Valentine's Day, try taking a different approach. Instead of watching cheesy chick flicks alone in your room, eating a gallon of ice cream. Here are some other suggestions 

1. Watch cheesy chick flicks and eat a gallon of ice cream with another single friend instead! Or a sister!

2. Send cards to those you love in life! Friends, family etc. 

3. Make a loving gesture to someone you have never met! 

4. Treat yourself! Get yourself some strawberries and dip them in chocolate. Or buy yourself a rose! 

5. Spend time with your one true love! Jesus Christ! 

6. Do all of the above! 

We are so fortunate to have a God who cares for us and loves us! 1 John 3:16 says that "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." A little later on in chapter 4:19 John says "We love because he first loved us." The only reason we can celebrate Valentine's Day as a holiday of love is because Christ first loved us! 

So how would I redefine Valentine's Day? Here is my new and improved definition. 

Valentine's Day: A day to show the love of Christ to those around you, whether it be romantic love, friendship, familial love or just loving on a stranger. A day when we can rejoice in knowing that we are so loved by our God that he sent his son to die on a cross for us. 

This post was inspired by Heather, a wonderful young woman that I had the opportunity to serve with in Peru this summer! Thank you! 

He Has Not Given Me a Spirit of Fear

As part of my Christian Ministries major I am required to do a practicum with a Christian ministry this summer. For the past year or so I have been looking at different options but none have really stuck out. So I have been praying that God would show me just the right place for me to serve this summer. However, with what happened in Spain, part of me has wanted to stay in the area and serve so that I can stay home where I feel safe. I'm scared to go away again. I don't want to ever feel the way I did in Spain again. Thankfully, God has a way of pushing us and teaching us.

As many of you know I went to Peru over the summer on a short term missions trip with an organization called Big World Ventures. This trip was truly amazing! It taught me a lot about myself and a lot about God. Anyways, a little ways into my semester in Spain I was contacted by the head of Big World Ventures and was offered an intern position for the summer. I really liked the idea so I sent him the specifications the internship would have to meet to fulfill my practicum requirement. After that I didn't hear back for a while. I figured this was God telling me that I should be pursuing other options and I liked it because it meant that I may not have to go away from home.

So a couple of weeks ago I again asked the Lord for guidance for the summer. The next day I again hear from the head of Big World Ventures and he says we can meet the requirements and that I should really get going on getting this approved. I don't believe it was a coincidence that the day after I ask for guidance I was again contacted  by Big World Ventures. So I decided to take the next step and talk to my adviser and see if this is an option that I can work with. She said it sounds perfect.

During this whole time of pursuing this internship I have been afraid. I don't want to leave home again and I don't want to take risks. Thankfully, God has reminded me that he has not given me a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). I know God is calling me to a life of travel and I cannot respond to that call if I am afraid to leave home and step out of my comfort zone. So I have asked him to give me peace about going this summer and God has gone above and beyond. I am actually excited to go! Yes, part of me is still a bit apprehensive but I have decided to trust God. It's not easy but one thing I have learned is that the hardest things in life are often the most rewarding.

But Kailyn, where would you be going with this internship? What would you be doing? Well, this is the really exciting part! I will again be going to serve with Big World Ventures. This time as a leader and in not just one but four different countries! I will be serving the people of Costa Rica, Belize, Panama and South Africa! I am thrilled and excited to use the gifts God has given me to tell and show people his unbounded love for them. I ask for your prayers for me as I prepare to go serve but also please pray that God would prepare the hearts of those we meet. Finally, if you feel so led to give monetary support for my trip please email me at kailyn.kowolenko@gordon.edu so that I can give you an address at which to send the support.

This is me and Maricielo, a young girl I met in Peru who was an answer to prayer. God put her on my heart and she said I was her angel. I hope to touch and be touched again!